Fail.

I haven’t posted for awhile. This post is technically my 50th post and I wanted to do something special for it. However, I tend to write my blogs on the fly, and so planning apparently only makes me stagnate. Actually, I seem to have a problem with stagnation in almost all areas of my life. A lot of times I feel like I’m on autopilot. I never get done what I intend to do, and I often feel like I’m just enduring each day, waiting for it to be over. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even really alive.

I have been listening to the Cure a lot lately, because, well, I love the Cure. Also, one of my friends just burned me a copy of Galore because my Cure collection was lost.  Robert Smith is just one of those songwriters that I think is in my head. One of my favorite songs by the Cure is “Close to Me,” and I recently read this quote from Robert Smith on what this song is about:

“It’s like the end of the day where you feel nothing has been achieved and you’re in a hurry to get the day over with so you can start the next one. You tell yourself you’re going to do lots of positive things. But the next day is just like the one before. Sometimes it goes on for weeks.”

So, thank you loyal readers for your patience, and without further ado, my theme song:

 

I’ve waited hours for this
I’ve made myself so sick
I wish I’d stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

Just try to see in the dark
Just try to make it work
To feel the fear before you’re here
I make the shapes come much too close
I pull my eyes out
Hold my breath
And wait until I shake . . .

But if I had your faith
Then I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream

I’ve waited hours for this
I’ve made myself so sick
I wish I’d stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

But if I had your face
I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door
Was a dream

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2 thoughts on “Fail.

  1. I’m with you on the stagnation… and if it’s possible I feel like fieldwork is like stagnation x10… Other than sort of teaching a class on Wednesday, I have no idea how I spent the past week. None.

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one. This is why I don’t believe in time… I just leap over days and weeks without really being aware of it.

      Or maybe I’m just lazy.

      Probably that.

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