It’s Not Easy Being Green

I am not an environmentalist.  Though I probably appear to fit the profile of a typical environmentalist… or I did until the giant gaggle of yuppies and mass media acquired the rights to the word “green” only to start selling it off piece by piece.

I like polar bears.  And I kind of like penguins.  (I mostly just like watching polar bears and penguins swim. It’s therapeutic.)  And so I am very sorry that their habitats are melting away, but let’s face it, no one is recycling for the polar bears.

Once upon a time in a previous rant, I explained that I find environmentalism to be a misnomer, because no one really cares about the natural environment.  People aren’t “saving the planet” for the sake of the planet, they are “saving the planet” for the sake of the livelihood of human beings.  We need the environment to stay similar enough to how it is now so the lifestyles we have come to love can be maintained.  We don’t want California to fall into the f***ing ocean.[1] We don’t want all of our coastlines to be washed away.

And while these may be catastrophic events that would alter the course of human events, frankly, I don’t care all that much.

But more importantly, if I did care, it’s too late.  Oh, I believe Al Gore when he says that the effects of global warming (ManBearPig) can be reversed to some extent if we do something about it now.  That’s not what I mean by too late.  What I mean is that we’re far to set in our post-industrial revolution ways to have enough people make enough lifestyle changes to make a damn bit of difference.

(Incidentally, the other reason why I don’t care is because I want the color green back.  I’ve never really been a green person (I prefer blue), but I miss being able to say the word green without people thinking you’re talking about a bamboo floormat for your Toyota Prius.)

Green doesn’t even mean anything anymore, it’s a marketing tool.  It’s a fad.

Environmentalism has become a fad.

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